now hiring

Actual excerpts from help wanted ads:

"If you could include a photo that would be great as I get so many responses and it is easier for me to put a face with their resume."

"we are not interested in a person whose dog eats their homework or gets sick frequently enough that the person misses work. We hold ourselves to a high standard of commitment to our customers and expect the same from the person applying for this position. With the economy as tight as it is, we are not interested in excuses.
Therefore, if you tend to oversleep, have a broken alarm clock, have frequent deaths in the family causing you to attend frequent funerals for persons who were deceased years ago, have a chronic illness that typically acts up at 8am on Fridays, have frequent car accidents, have a day-care solution that fails every week, or you are a pathological liar; you need not apply. Have a nice day. "

"I am looking for someone who lives a fairly unscented (in regards to man made fragrances/chemicals) lifestyle or is interested in developing one."

I'm pretty sure I won't be sending my resume off to any of these ads.